You'd think all those ads in the back of the weeklies would
come with the warning: Buyer Beware. But no ...
come with the warning: Buyer Beware. But no ...
Caveat Emptor by Joshua Swainston
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“You
look nothing like your picture,” Aaron said as he peered through the peephole of
the hotel room door. In the picture she was a nymph with electric pink Hot
Topic streaks in her hair. The arching softness of her pale body and the
exposed canine in her smile hinted at an animal lust Aaron desired.
“Baby,
if ya don’t let me in the room, I’m’a make a scene.” But it was reality that
knocked at the door: deflated tits and mouth scabs magnified in the convex
bubble of the glass lens.
“Hey,
ahh,” Aaron struggled to remember the girls name from the online ad, “Crystal.
Yeah, I’m not interested anymore. Is that alright?”
Crystal
leaned into Aaron’s door, attempting to look through the peephole in reverse. “Ya
don’t want it, ya shouldn’t’a called.”
“Please,
just go away. I’m not interested.”
“I’ll
count to three, and ya betta let me in or else.” Aaron watched Crystal place
one hand on her boney hip. “One.” She elongated the “wa” sound the way mothers
warn bad children.
“I
could give you money,” Aaron attempted to negotiate.
“Not
if ya don’t let me in.” Crystal held up two fingers. “Two.”
“Come
on. We’re both adults. We can work this out.”
“Don’t
make me get ta three,” the woman threatened. Aaron continued to watch. “Ya sure
ya wants this? I warned ya.” Crystal took a deep breathe. “THREE! OH BABY, YOU
KNOW YOU WANNA FUCK ME. JUST LET ME IN!”
“Oh
shit.” Aaron worked the series of locks serving to keep Crystal out. “Stop,
please,” he said as he flipped the deadbolt.
“WHAT’S
WRONG DADDY? I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH? I’ll SUCK YOUR DICK. I CAN BE YOUR
EVERYTHING.”
Aaron
opened the door. “Get in here.”
Crystal’s
voice instantly fell back to normal conversation volume. “Thanks,” she said as
she strolled into the room.
On
either side of the hotel hallway, guests watched from their doorways. Most of
the reactions consisted of scowls and head shaking. One elderly man in a blue
button-up dress shirt and sock suspenders gave a thumbs up. No one in the
audience made the situation better.
Aaron
secured the door and turned around to find Crystal straddled the corner of the
queen bed. Her black mini skirt pulled against her thighs, creating a miniature
cave to her unshaved crotch. “So,” she winked, “whatcha wanna do now?”
Aaron
kept his distance, making his way to a stiff hotel armchair. “How much to make
this mistake go away?”
“Who
ya callin’ a miss-take?”
“Never
mind.”
Crystal
lay back on the bed and rolled around to face her client. “If you like it or
not, that’s on you.”
“I’m
not from here. This is a work thing. It doesn’t matter. Anyway, a couple of us
were drinking. One of the guys said he gets a girl whenever he’s at a
convention. I was drunk and horny. It sounded like a good idea at the time.
I’ve sobered up.” Aaron made his case in hopes that any rational person would
understand the mix-up.
“Ya
not horny anymore?” She smiled. “I can make you horny.”
Aaron
focused on an olive green bruise and track marks in the crook of the Crystal’s
left elbow. “I’m sure you are a nice girl, but is there a way I can just pay
you to leave.”
“Six
hundred,” Crystal spat out a quote.
“Six!
The ad said ‘two to fuck’. Why would I pay you six to go away?”
“Cause
you want it more,” she said without hesitation.
“You’re
screwing me, you know that?”
“One
way or another, baby.”
“I
don’t have six hundred on me.”
“It’s
five for Greek.”
Aaron looked at Crystal, tilting his head to the side like a confused dog. “Greek?”
“If
ya gotta ask, it’s not for you.” Crystal stood up from the bed and walked
around the room toward her client.
Aaron
pulled out his wallet. “I have three hundred dollars. Take it and go. Please.”
“Ya
got a girl at home?” Crystal asked as she fingered the items on the nightstand:
a complementary hotel pen, three Jolly Ranchers, a black iPod Touch, and three
quarters. She took a watermelon candy, unwrapped it, and put in in her mouth.
“A few guys are like ya,” she said. “Most just fuck even if they feel weird
about it.”
“I don’t
have anyone, no.” Aaron held the collection of dollar bills in one hand, ready
to pass it off.
“So
what’s the problem? Ya need pills to get it up? I can get you pills.”
“I
never thought I do this sort of thing.” Aaron sighed. “It’s just, this is not
the type of person I am.”
Crystal
sat on the arm of the hotel chair leaning over her client. “What’s wrong with payin’
ta fuck?”
“I
had the same girlfriend since my freshman year in high school. We broke up a
few months ago. She’s in college, veterinary school. I think she met someone
else. Doesn’t matter, it’s over.” Aaron rested his head against Crystal’s emaciated
frame. She smelled of baby powder and Pall Mall cigarettes. The two huddled on
the chair for five minutes without a word. Aaron’s breathing calmed. “Maybe,
you could stay? I mean, if you wanted?”
“Nah
baby, ya had your chance.”
“I
don’t understand? I can give you cash.”
“I’m
not inta this sad shit. Ya really know how to get a girl in the mood, ya know?
This is business. We ain’t friends.” Crystal stood up. “I want the iPod.”
“What?
But I thought…you’re a whore.”
“The
iPod and the cash, and I’m gone. Don’t do it, I call the cops. Say ya tried to
rape me.”
Confused,
angry, frustrated. “This isn’t how this is suppose…” Aaron gave up. “Fine.
Fucking take it. Here.” He thrust the wad of cash at Crystal. “Get out.”
The
woman palmed the three hundred dollars, snatched the iPod, and left.
