Customer service is an important aspect of any consumer-based business. And remember: the client is always right.
Except of course when the proprietor exercises his God-given capitalist right: the right to refuse service to anyone.
Except of course when the proprietor exercises his God-given capitalist right: the right to refuse service to anyone.
We Take Walk-Ins by Angel Luis Colon
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Hot damn, looks like you zigged when you should have zagged.
Went left instead of right. You’re in through the out door.
I’m taking a wild guess you’re lost.
No? Read the sign? Really? You’ll have to pardon my
surprise. It’s not often someone as perceptive as you pops up out of the blue
to make my day that much brighter. And no, I’m not blowing smoke up your ass. I
mean, you have any idea how many people ignore that sign? I mean, sure the
positioning is excellent—right off one of the most used exit ramps in the
county. We spent weeks scouting for the right spot. And let me tell you, it’s
probably five times bigger than the original. Still, I guess there isn’t much
of a market when all you got is a sign says, “BABY EXPO” and a red arrow
beneath, huh?
Well, I was never accused of being a marketing guru. Still,
I’m excited you found us.
Enough about me. Clearly, you’re either curious or you’ve
been on this bike before. If it’s the former, allow me to give you the long
version. Babies. Name the type you want. I’ll let you know exactly how many
times Ben Franklin needs to show his face in my hand before you get to bring
the bundle of joy back home. Not to make you skittish, but I trust you know
that we’re cash only?
Ah, see. You didn’t bat an eye there. Old hand with these
kinds of places. I knew you had that look. I could tell the minute I saw that
Miata pull up outside. Now, here’s our catalog—can’t really have the stock on
premises—go on and look through the Big Book of Babies. Soon as you see
anything that strikes your fancy we can move on to next steps.
Her? Niger. No, not Nigeria, Niger. Her story ain’t as
dramatic. Parents needed something extra and she was mouth number 12. Real sweetheart,
but a little colicky—not like that isn’t common. Plenty of new parents deal
with it just fine. Before you know it, she’ll be laughing her little cheeks off
and playing lead drummer in the pots and pans band.
That little guy on page 37 is from right here in the good
old US of A. Kentucky, if I remember right. Eats like a goddamn rhino and makes
about the same mess. Fair bit of warning, he’s got a skin condition—sensitive
to light or something. I like to be honest with potential clients. Not about to
hand off product with defects without fair warning.
I could go on and on, but I assure you; each child has an
interesting and compelling background. We’re talking hours of potential
conversations at garden parties, late brunches, or whatever you get up to with
fellow parents. Your social standing couldn’t get higher unless you personally
adopted an orphanage in Darfur and made a documentary about it. And please, I’m
not trying to say you’re the type to make an empty social statement for the
clout—just giving a selling point if that’s something that appeals to you.
Let me stop talking and let you concentrate. I feel like I
may be a distracting element.
Sorry, I rant. I bet the last thing the boys at the other
end of the line want is to hear me go on and on like some used car salesman. That’s
why I already sent my people out to give them something a little more
interesting to discuss before you even pulled into the parking lot.
Apologies, I’m being unclear. What I’m talking about is the
wire you got taped to your belly and chest. You know, the way your federal
agency friends are listening in on our illicit transaction? Is that better? I’m
not sure if it is, because you’re shaking your head like that and it’s pretty
damn clear the situation we’ve got ourselves into.
Well, I’ll give you one, but I’ll be honest: I’m not too
certain you’re going to like the mouth it comes from. Just know that your people
won’t stop us from doing our work. The product I provide to my target
demographic is far too important.
See? I rant. Probably got more answers than I intended to
give.
It really is a damn shame though. I meant what I said
before; that sure is a nice blouse. Sorry to ruin it.
