Everyone remembers their first time.
And by first time I mean paying back all the sonsofbitches who done you wrong. No matter how you do it, always feels right.
And by first time I mean paying back all the sonsofbitches who done you wrong. No matter how you do it, always feels right.
Off to a Bad Start by Steve Sibra
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When anybody asks—and
they seldom do—but if anybody asks I have to tell them that I lost my virginity
in an Alabama outhouse. Truth is, it was nowhere near as romantic as it sounds.
I was twelve years old
and inside sitting on the big hole—I always used the little hole but this one
time I was braving it. In busts the door and there’s my Uncle Gage, just as
boiled drunk as a barn owl and looking at me real strange. Next thing I know he
grabs me and I am bent over the bench with my face stuck in that big shit hole
and he is taking his pleasure with me, there in the middle of the stink and the
flies. When he was done he threw me to the floor like trash and he left. And
that was about it. This happened four days before I left home.
Two days before I left
home, I went to my father and I told him what his brother had done. He was
staring at me and listening intently; but then I started to cry just a little
bit. Just a single tear, actually, running down one cheek. I reached up with my
sleeve and I wiped it away—but when I looked back my father had a completely
different look on his face. I knew then that I was undone.
One day before I left
home my father took me in front of Uncle Gage and he told him what I had said. Uncle
Gage was sitting on an old wooden chair on the back porch. He looked at my Pa
and he listened to him talk and the expression on his face was completely
blank—it never changed. I watched him and I was near to crying again, but this
time I held it back.
My father took me behind
that outhouse and he whipped me with his belt; he whipped me on my bare ass
until I bled. My nut sack was tore and it bled. My whole rear side was covered
in red blood. I cried good that time—I couldn’t help it. I cried like a real
little baby. Or so my father said as he finished up and left me there in the
dirt.
The day I left home, I
watched Uncle Gage go into the outhouse. I waited about thirty seconds or so
then I kicked that door open as hard as I could. Uncle Gage was sitting on that
big hole and he had a look of shock on his face. I raised up the twelve gauge
shotgun and I cocked both barrels so he could hear me do it. I pointed it right
at his head.
I said some things to
him then; I don’t remember rightly what it was but I said what I felt like I
had to say. He started out grinning but the grin was off his face by the time I
was done talking. He started to cry, in fact. A single tear ran down one cheek.
Then another on the other cheek. Then another, and another.
“You're nothin’ but a
big baby,” I told him. “You are a big cry baby and big cry babies get punished,
and shamed, and left lying face down in the shit. That’s what they get.”
And that was what
happened that day. The day I left home. For good.
I guess it was all for
good. Well, I mean I know it was Good. But sometimes I ain’t sure it was For
Good. I get to thinking sometimes, about my old man. I get to thinking maybe it
would be for good if I went and saw him. Just one more time. I mean, it’s been
eleven years. Eleven years of just thinking about it.
Maybe going to see him that one last time. I think maybe that would be For Good.
Maybe going to see him that one last time. I think maybe that would be For Good.
