In life, the sky's the limit.
In The Gutter, the ceiling is very low.
In The Gutter, the ceiling is very low.
Jake by Sonia Kilvington
“It’s all
your fault, you know that, don’t you?”
I cast my
eyes down quickly, away from his accusing stare. The knife in his fist was
still dripping, the blood red, stark and angry against the metal blade. Jake’s
face was glowing unnaturally. It looked so unworldly and strange against the
darkening desert sky.
The truth,
according to Jake, was that these situations were always my fault. And it’s
true that I had wanted to stop at the gas station, but I hadn’t even noticed
the woman who had spoken to him out of turn. So I knew that this wasn’t related
to anything I had said or done. It hadn’t been my idea to follow her in the
truck either.
This was
the way it worked in our relationship. Jake made the decisions and I took the consequences
- it had always been like that, even though I don’t know exactly how it had all
gotten started. It had seemed like such a wonderful dream at first, with Jake
saying he was going to take care of me forever
and always, you know like the song on the radio?
Not that
I would have willingly gotten myself into this situation had I known the extent
of his sick schemes, but somehow I had gotten lost - in this, in us, and I was
too far in to get back out.
The woman
on the ground was gasping and gurgling. It was pitiful to listen to that! Her
head was smashed in beside the wheel of the truck and she was bleeding all over
the place from the knife wound in her chest. She was turning a deep purple
color and her last attempt at grasping for air was almost too painful to watch.
I felt bad for her, I really did, but I was more afraid of Jake and what he might
do, now that he had decided this situation was all my fault.
I guess I
didn’t know that much before I met Jake as I hadn’t had much schooling on the
farm, but I knew enough to realize that what we were doing was very wrong. But
no one had ever paid me that much attention before Jake, and when he rescued me
from my pa’s belt on that sun-bleached afternoon.
I had
gone willingly and gratefully. To his credit, Jake had never told me, even once, that I was stupid, like my pa
kept on saying to me all of the time. But it’s true that I have been very stupid.
The woman
on the ground passed right in front of me, and if I get caught it won’t matter
what I say, because according to Jake, it was my fault and he will make sure
that everyone gets that!
I knew it
was useless to try and talk to Jake while he was still in a black mood, so I
went quiet and waited to see what he wanted to do next. He cussed me a couple
of times and then threw a shovel from the back of the truck and told me to dig
deep, even though it was nearly dark.
