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Tough Titties by Carman C. Curton
To: Levi Common
From: Cat McAlba
RE: Tuff Cuff Urine Cup
L,
I found a harness online that will let
the horses walk around and still collect the urine. Not only would it get PETA
off our backs because the mares wouldn’t be in their stalls 24/7, they’d also be
more comfortable, and we’d have less shit to shovel if they were in the great
outdoors during the day. I’ve attached an order form. Want to look into it?
Catherine McAlba
Broodmare Urine Collection Technician
Champion Meadows
To: Cat McAlba
From: Levi Common
RE: Tuff
Titty
My life’s tough. Keeping this fucking
farm running is tougher. I’m stuck in this office all day. Doing my job. Do I give a rat’s ass if these
horses are stuck inside all day, too? The fuck do u think? If you can’t do your job without pissing and moaning
about shit then get out and I’ll give it to someone who can. Stuff your tough
cup where the sun don’t shine. And stop calling me “L” like I’m your pet or
something.
Levi Paul Common, Jr.
Owner, Director of Operations
Champion Meadows
To: Levi Common
From: Cat McAlba
RE: Tough Stuff
L,
Strix and Peeka are getting contact rashes.
No way they’re going to pass the next walk-thru. It’ll be rough making the
minimum quota if we lose two more mares. Would you like to hear about tough? I
didn’t start in horses. When I was 17, I artificially inseminated rats. For
money. Good money, too. You’d be surprised how many rats you can jerk in an
hour. Those little rat dicks are a riot. In no time at all those silly
stiff-dick males were in heaven. One—'cause my finger
and the glove and that test tube did them just right. Two—I’ve seen females eat
the males afterwards if they weren’t so happy with the proceedings. They wanted
me and not a big, fat girl rat. C
Catherine McAlba
Director of Dick Tickling Operations
To: Cat McAlba
From: Levi Common
RE: Tuff
Titty
I don’t care if you sucked rat dick for
money. And said thank you after. These horses are piss machines not pets and
they got numbers not names. If names and this job are important to you start
using mine. L-e-v-i.
Levi Paul Common, Jr.
Head Dick in Charge of Everything
To: Levi Common
From: Cat McAlba
RE: Tough Enough
L,
Hatch said the foal out of Filanza (#114)
died of septicemia yesterday, and I put down the colt from Perky (#79) for cleft
palate. So they’ll be ready for the stallion in a week or two. That would
balance putting Charlie Girl (#193) and Fay (#216) out of rotation while I
treat their sores. Here’s something about tough. When I was 16, I bred mares
for Roaring Spring Stables, but not for the money. Because I got off on it. I
liked stringing up that mare’s leg. Wrapping that chain around her lip, so she
had to take it. I liked grabbing that stallion’s flapping dick and shoving it
in for him. I loved the mare’s scream. The biting. The blood. Good stuff. Nothing
like it. C
Catherine McAlba
Executive Stallion Stroker
To: Cat McAlba
From: Levi Common
RE: Tuff
Titty
I don’t give a fucking shit what you done
with rat dicks and horse pussy. I been on the phone twice today with Pfizer
about minimum production standards and storage tank temperatures. Cause quality
mare’s urine matters when old biddies need hormone cream for their dried up
pussies. Crying about how horses can’t move and mucking out two times a day and
making sure no piss ever touches their boo-boos means you don’t got your
priorities right. I told you, these aint your pets. Take the names off the
paperwork and make sure only the numbers are on before you leave tonight. You’re
on notice.
Levi Paul Common, Jr.
Owner Champion Meadows—where your Ass-is-Grass
To: Levi Common
From: Cat McAlba
RE: Tough Muff
L,
Let me tell you something about tough. I
started fucking men when I was eleven because it hurt less than getting hit.
And usually took less time. Never liked it. Still don’t. But I learned when a
man can really hurt you, and when he wants to hurt you but doesn’t have the
stones. It’s a useful skill. C
Catherine McAlba
Executive Officer of Cock Jockey
Operations
To: Cat McAlba
From: Levi Common
RE: Tuff
Titty
You’re fucking nuts. Don’t bother coming
in tomorrow. Hatch’ll mail your check.
Levi Paul Common, Jr.
Executive Director in Charge of Cum Dumps
To: Levi Common
From: Cat McAlba
RE: Tough Snuff
You wanna see tough?
You’re about to see the face of it. Look
out your office door, Levi. Time to
meet the titties—
Carman C. Curton consumes caffeine while writing a series of microstories called QuickFics, which she leaves in random places for people to find. She’s been published at Snakeskin Poetry and was shortlisted for the Fiction War Fall 2018 competition. You can talk with her about flash fiction and your noir-ish tales of woe on Twitter @CarmanCCurton.
